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(via dicklessturdpusher)

Ezra on Harry Styles pretending to be Jewish

  • Ezra Koenig: Harry Styles… he does this thing where he pretends that he’s Jewish, which I think is very funny.
  • Chris Tomson: In what capacity?
  • Ezra: It’s really weird. I noticed this a while ago, kids would sometimes say to me, “Oh, you’re Jewish, just like Harry Styles. That’s real cool, because I like both of your bands.” And I’d be like, “That cat’s Jewish? Really? Whatever, who knows.” And then the other day, it was Yom Kippur, and he tweeted the night before [about fasting] and getting hungry by the time you sing “Kol Nidre,” which is like a very specific prayer you sing during the service the next day. So he tweeted this to his, like, millions of followers, and I was like, “What the f— does this mean!” And then I realized, he basically kind of just enjoys pretending to be Jewish. And I was like, you know what? I don’t remember, like, f—ing Lance Bass making weird jokes like that back in the day. So One Direction is cool, they make weird jokes.

The more you get into dogs, the more into dogs you get

I tried to do this with eating only vegetables one time but apparently there was an upper limit

He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette. “I can only truly love my dead best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed.

from Mallory Ortberg’s hilarious “Male Novelist Jokes.” (via coketalk)

(via thecamcorder)


Whoever wrote the subtitles on MTV’s VMA broadcast has the same dexterity as a drunk girl typing on an Iphone


A tattoo for bakers and Ponyboys.

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Seventy four

Once there was a bug in the ground.

It was born and crawled around. It was so hungry.

He almost drowned during a rain storm and almost burned during a hot cloudless day.

Eventually he found an old bean, hollowed out from another hungry bug and hardened up from lots of days.

He made it his bean house and loved it there until he died.

The end love you

Hi Daniel

Everything you poop was something you once chewed on with gusto

(via kitty-breath)